Which Way Do I Go?!?!

 

Which way do I go?  Which way do I go?

Silent or spoken, most of my mornings begin with this question, in a voice that sound's suspiciously like Willoughby's, repeated again and again as I mentally spin in circles and I think about all that I have to do, and all of the glorious possibilities for the day.

This can be exhilirating and stressful at the same time, and it's been that way for as long as I can remember.  I thought that everyone experienced life this way, and in 2015, I was enlightened to learn that this isn't the case when my doctor casually remarked, "You do know that you have ADHD, don't you?" 

ADHD, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.  I knew the acronym, but I'd never considered that it applied to me because of my misunderstanding of the word hyperactivity.  In the physical sense, there's nothing hyperactive about me, but in the mental sense, I'm like a gerbil on a wheel, without the wheel to keep me moving in just one direction at a time!

The same doctor pointed out that ADHD was part of my world since the day I was born, and that it would be with me until the day I die.  He encouraged me to identify the coping mechanisms that I'd put in place to navigate the unique challenges that ADHD brings to my life, and he discouraged automatically medicating, unless these same coping mechanisms stopped serving me.

That happened in 2023, when with the help of a Friend, I began to take medication.  It's been lifechanging in my situation.  It's not a cure or a magic pill, but it helps me immensely. 

Themes of my life with ADHD will make repeat appearances here as I write, and this is where my awareness of it started.  It's an integral part of who I am, and it remains one of my biggest blessings and challenges at the same time.  

Which way will I go today?  While that remains to be seen, when I approach it with the enthusiasm of Willoughby and the calm cool demeanor of George, I know that it will be a good one. 

On Fearlessness

 

I have a visceral reaction to the word "fearless.  According to the Merriem-Webster Dictionary, fearless means "free from fear" or "brave".  Are bravery and freedom from fear the same thing?  And are any of us truly free from fear?  I know that I'm not.

Most choices in life involve inherent risk.  

Risk tends to be scary and invigorating at the same time.  

Making a decision and proceeding with it isn't an act of fearlessness, it's an act of Courage.

The word, "Courage" could be applied to a soldier in the field, a fire fighter entering a burning building, a new teacher entering a classroom on the first day of school, or a patient showing up for a lifesaving treatment.  These individuals are likely afraid, but they show up anyway and forge forward in the face of uncertaintly.

The word Courage could also be applied to acts that are not nearly this grand.  It can applied more liberally to most of us on most days.  Sometimes the act of rising in the morning and facing the world is wildly courageous.  Perhaps we should stop holding ourselves and others to the unrealistic expectation of never being afraid, and instead celebrate the acts of courage that each of us exhibit daily as we walk this wild wonderful world.